What I learned about “Time & Friendship” when my friend’s life ended
This is for you, Zol ❤ Rest in Peace
Sunday was a usual Sunday with my daily chores, usual routines, and a casual day with no plans. Nothing important on my mind besides the relief of finishing a first major submission at work. But this Sunday , I received an unexpected text about one of my girlfriends’ death, in an accident…
I sat there in shock at the gym for probably at least half an hour. My mind went blank. I wasn’t aware of the surroundings, I just existed physically for a moment. It must have been a big mistake, or perhaps a different person, just denying every single fact that my precious friend was no longer there. I thought she would always be there. I thought she would never leave, like this.
After few hours, it was finally a reality when we went to her apartment. Right there, her photo with Buddhist tallow lit up. Her grandfather sitting there like a big mountain, so content, exchanging information with the guests about her. It was finally hitting us, she was gone, and it was real.
The past three days were full of thoughts about you, Zol. The mind goes back and forth and re-collects all the memories we shared together and surprisingly, every single detail. Your laugh, your smile, your voice tone, the colorful style that only you could pull, your chill attitude towards life, your wisdom even though you seemed like the youngest among the four of us. I remember your favorite song was Nelly Furtado-Say it Right and no matter how much times passed, I could still remember how you used to say it’ll always be the right tone to dance to. The prints of your signature scarf when we took those usual college trips to Terelj, that I can still remember your perfume’s scent, calming-mothery scent which always indicated, yes you were the oldest of the four of us. With so much wisdom, we barely noticed that back then….
It’s hard to wrap my head around what had happened but the past three days taught me so much about time and friendship. The tears would run down at unexpected times but of all the happy memories you sealed in so many people’s lives. You were unique. So unique that I couldn’t catch a single memory of you hurting anyone. So unique, I don’t remember you EVER talking negative about anyone. You were unique, so unique that even a sad event of funeral seemed like a celebration. A celebration of your precious life, and how much you impacted each one of our lives. You were so unique, words seem shallow.
Time and Friendship go hand-in-hand together, but it can also be misleading. You leaving us, taught us so much to reflect back on Friendship and how time plays its tricks. May what I learned from this mourning let someone reflect on their Friendship.
- Time does not wait
I am guilty of not calling her enough, and being too caught up with my own life. Sitting there digesting the fact she was gone has only made me think how much she must have needed a call and a simple “how are you”. How many moments I missed with a simple excuse of “too busy” with the kids, family, school, work and occupied with “important” work meetings. If I only knew your invitation to your birthday last month was the last time we’d be toasting together, I should have ditched that “ great excuse” of mine.
Be there for your friends, time does not wait.
2. Take care of your friends
If only we all knew that death does not discriminate… the only force we cant’t predict. Call your friends, check on them. I wish I called my friend often enough to listen to her recent worries, joys, new relationships, new plans and new reflections. I wish I had done a better job taking care of my friend by simply checking on her every once in a while. Call your friends, cherish those “good old ones”.
3. Never leave the “good-old” friends
I met my precious friend in 2007. She was the first friend in class. I remember her colorful style with eye catching flower prints of her matching blouse and shorts. We never stopped hanging out ever since. Us 4, the fun fearless 4 girls. The highlight of my college years. Even though there was a big gap of years in our friendship, we’d still catch up as if no time passed whenever there was those few moments. You can always trust those “good old” friends. Because that’s the friendship of a lifetime.
She was never a typical local type, she was unique, she was tiny but she had the entire world figured out, she was quiet but she knew exactly what to say and her comments were short yet powerful. We will always remember you by the joyful memories we shared as young wild and free girls fearing nothing in life. Yet, we didn’t know to fear your death. You will forever be missed…
..In the day
In the night
Say it right
Say it all
You either got it
Or you don’t
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there’s no time for joking
There’s a hole in the plan….